


Pitter Patter

by aconsultinghuntress26



Series: Life with Friends and Lovers (Modern AU) [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Depression, F/M, False Pregnancy, Multi, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:37:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconsultinghuntress26/pseuds/aconsultinghuntress26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Omg I've hurt my own heart with this. I don't hate Reader I promise. Again some of these one-shots will be based off of experiences that either I or someone very close to me has personally gone through. However, you get two amazing people to help you through it all! I will be posting some more fluffy one-shots in this series soon. </p><p>Also please let me know if there are any specific scenarios and characters that you want to see Reader interact with. Don't be afraid to post a comment on this or any other part in this series! </p><p>As always I do not own any of the SnK/AoT characters or you. </p><p> TW: ANGST, depression, pregnancy issues, body issues, awkward medical situation, language, sexual discussion</p>
    </blockquote>





	Pitter Patter

**Author's Note:**

> Omg I've hurt my own heart with this. I don't hate Reader I promise. Again some of these one-shots will be based off of experiences that either I or someone very close to me has personally gone through. However, you get two amazing people to help you through it all! I will be posting some more fluffy one-shots in this series soon. 
> 
> Also please let me know if there are any specific scenarios and characters that you want to see Reader interact with. Don't be afraid to post a comment on this or any other part in this series! 
> 
> As always I do not own any of the SnK/AoT characters or you. 
> 
> TW: ANGST, depression, pregnancy issues, body issues, awkward medical situation, language, sexual discussion

 

**_ Pitter Patter _ **

 ‘ _HULLH_.’ You had run to the bathroom for the fourth time that day. This fucking bought of food poisoning was not letting you relax on your day off. You flushed the contents, and after ensuring you were in fact done, brushed your teeth yet again. The taste of bile never seemed to leave despite your efforts.

            “Babe, are you sure you’re ok?” Marco asked from the living room. Five weeks had passed since you and Marco became, more or less, an item and it hadn’t been long after that Jean was finding his way into the mix as well. Although his involvement in the complex relationship was not (yet) public knowledge. The first threesome that you had had been interesting to say the least. It had surprised you that you were able to keep up with the two of them. Jean and Marco took care of every desire, every urge, and it could be anywhere from sheer lust driven and wild to a slow burning passion. What surprised you the most, however, was that the men weren’t shy about exploring each other along with you. Your sex life sure was being turned upside down and surprisingly your body confidence seemed to be growing along with it (albeit in the bedroom only), whether that was really a good thing or not you didn’t care. If only the rest of your life followed suit.

    “No, but nothing you need to worry about. I’m just going to lay down for a bit. You guys finish the movie.” You tried to smile at both men sitting on the couch as they continued to watch Django Unchained. Maybe the violence had been too much. ‘ _HA! Who am I kidding_?’ You had to laugh at how absurd that was for you. Your stomach could take seeing much worse. At least it used to.

     Over the next few days, though, you were beginning to wonder if this was something more, as your stomach would churn at everything. It didn’t matter if it was by sight or smell. You’d toss your cookies with the slightest provocation. Of course Marco and Jean were highly concerned since you couldn’t keep much food down the past 3 days. Well except for some strawberries and a few ounces of sharp cheddar cheese. When that seemed to do the trick Jean was left scratching his head at the somewhat unusual combo. Not to mention you were starting to miss quite a bit of work, being summer you didn’t have to worry about classes just yet. You knew that you wouldn’t lose your job as Jean’s mother adored you, but you still felt bad for being so unusually flaky and sick.

    “I really think that you need to see a doctor.” Marco rubbed your lowered back as you sat on the couch, hunched over. Every now and again you felt your stomach flip and prepped to run, but nothing came up this time. It was lucky too as on the coffee table in front of you were a pile of paper boxes. For the past month and a half you had been helping Sasha plan her baby shower. After almost three years of marriage she and Connie were expecting their first child. You were so excited for them, but this stomach bug or flu was kicking your ass, and the party was tomorrow.

    “No, I’m getting better.” You tried to reassure him, but you knew that Marco wasn’t buying it.

    “Bull.” He stilled his movements and pulled out his phone. “Campus Health is still open and I’m making you an appointment for next week. You’ve got no choice [First], even if I’m dragging you there.”

    “Marcooooo!” Lifting your head you tried to give him the most sympathetic puppy dog eyes you could muster as your stomach continued its barrel rolls. 

    “You’re going to the doctor.” Peeking a kiss to your nose he stood and began to book your appointment. The feeling in your stomach calmed and you resumed your task of folding the paper boxes that will serve as part of the shower favors. In a few hours you would be heading over to the expecting couple's house to help set up. You wanted to make sure that there wasn't a lot to do tomorrow before the party. Marco was still on the phone, his voice cutting in and out of your attention, until he turned with a quizzical yet very bashful look on his face.

    “I think it ended last week, but I’m not…too sure. She’s able to confirm that herself at the appointment right?” His expression eased a bit at the response on the other end. The connection of what was asked was immediate. ‘ _Did they really ask him that question?_ ’ Your eyes went wide. ‘ _Oh god. Of course they would, a young man calling in for his girlfriend about “_ stomach issues _”. Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!_ ’ In order to not alarm Marco of the panic that was whirling through your mind, you slowly stood and headed back to the bedroom where your cell phone was charging. You had a small pregnancy scare when you were with Reiner-thank all that was holy it had been nothing to worry about as your period was just a week late- and so added a period/fertility app to your phone, just to ensure that you remained as regular as possible. Throughout your higher weight struggles the damn thing always was in flux without the aid of birth control. While you made sure to be diligent with the prescription there had been a few missed pills in the past several weeks since the break-up. You just couldn't seem to will yourself to move away from the two comforting men some nights. Unlocking the screen you scrolled through the various applications until you found the right one. You clicked it open and swiped over the calendar. You were now a month and a half late according to the screen, meaning you missed not just one, but TWO periods. _‘Please no. NO NO!_ ’ You opened your night stand drawer to look at the pack of tiny yellow pills and past receipts. Thank god you were meticulous with your purchases. Rushing over to your desk you compared the dates from the last time you picked up the birth control to the last time you purchased tampons.

     “Shit!” You breathed. They didn’t match up. You picked up the most recent prescription at the end of last month, but it was full. You usually skipped the placebo pills and waited until the Sunday after your period ended to start the new pack. Not really the best method, but it worked for the past year or so with Reiner, so you stuck to it. Checking the grocery store receipts the last date you had purchased tampons was a week after your break-up. After some mental math your jaw dropped. You were in fact two full months late, and had actually been off the pill for the last month.  _‘HOW THE FUCKING FUCK DID I FUCKING FORGET TO TAKE THIS_?’ Your panic only increased, causing your hands to shake. ‘ _Oh god, oh dear FUCKING GOD’_. Your mind reeled as you sat back on your bed. It had actually been awhile since you slept in it, preferring Marco’s as it fit the three of you much more comfortably.

    “Ok, so…Babe?” Marco started to make his way down the hall. Immediately you spurred your body into action, shoving everything away and changing the display on your cell to the text message app. There was no way in hell that either of them could know until you were 100% certain. A whole new problem also occurred to you as you rushed about your room. Who the fuck would be the father? ‘ _FUCK MY GOD DAMN CARELESSNESS_!’ both Jean and Marco had at least 1-2 opportunities. Protection was usually worn, but there had been two rather steamy encounters in the shower with Marco (which left the condoms out of reach) and once where, between the two of them, they had run out. You mentally face-palmed yourself for being so nice to Jean in that particular situation; since he joined later he was the one left to ride bareback. None of you thought anything of it as you all assumed that you were still as diligent as ever with the pills. ‘ _Fuck my life’_. Everything had been shoved out of sight by the time he reached the room.

            “You have an appointment for next Monday at 10 am.” He smiled. “They couldn’t get you in this week, but they just want to make sure that it wasn’t something really serious.”

            “That works for me, hun.” You reassured him. “Thank you.” You prayed that your voice was steady as you gathered up some clothes and proceeded to the shower.

            All throughout the shower and trip to Sasha’s you contemplated what your choices might be. Should you try and sneak out to the drug store to buy an at home test? Or just wait until you went to the doctor’s office? How would you even be able to take the at home test? There was hardly ever a time when you had the apartment to yourself long enough to buy and then take one. There were just too many obstacles. Speaking of obstacles, could you even have this baby if you were in fact pregnant? The uncertainty swirled in your head. You had never wanted to have a child until you were married, out of school, and in a stable financial position to do so. Right now was NOT your ideal time or situation. But could you bring yourself to have an abortion? You guessed that depended on what Jean and/or Marco had to say. What would the guys think anyway? Your brain loved to picture the worst case scenarios. It took a while for Marco to pull you out of your depressed reverie as possibility after possibility went through your mind. One of which consisted of the two men had shunning you and leaving you to raise a baby all alone.

    “Sweetheart?” He gently shook your shoulder. “You ok? We’re here.” Once he gained your attention his hand ran down your arm and squeezed your hand before turning the car engine off.

            “Yeah I’m good.” Shaking the thoughts out of your mind and grabbing your purse and the lighter decorations you joined Marco as he carried a few food trays to the door. It went without saying that it was going to be a chore for Connie to keep Sasha away from the food for the night.

    “Marco! Buddy! How you been? It seems like ages since we saw you!” Connie was the first to greet you both in the drive way. "Too bad Jean had to work today, could have used his help clearing up some of the heavier items. Three people is always easier than two."

    “[First]!” Sasha squeezed past her husband, in all her 7 months pregnant glory, and bounded toward you. It had only been four days since you last saw her, but her enthusiasm each and every time she saw you always brought a smile to your lips.

    It wasn’t long before you were all inside, the men putting the food away while you and Sasha started to pull the decorations out of the bags from the craft and party supply store. As you prepped the table where the food was going to be laid out your thoughts wandered.

    Four days ago you had met with Sasha to go to one of her ultrasound appointments. Once in the room you felt a bit weirded out. Technically you weren’t family, even though she was more of a sister to you than your actually sister had ever been, and so felt that you shouldn’t really be allowed to be present. Yet, here you were. The lights dimmed and the computer screen on. Soon it flickered and right in front was an image of your soon to be born “niece”.  Staring at the screen in awe you couldn’t help the overflow of hormones that made their way into your brain. You were so happy for both of your friends, yet somehow that hallow feeling that you had been ignoring made itself known. You felt empty and worried, but didn’t want to address the reason as to why. The same thing had happened when you went with her into the maternity clothing store afterwards. Jokingly you stated that maybe the office and the store were pumping pheromones into the air to make any non-pregnant woman wish she was.  
  
    You suddenly realized that’s what the hollow feeling really was. Before you could control your movements your hand flew to your belly, dropping the stack of plastic cups in the process.

    “Babe?” Marco was at your side almost instantly. “Is it your stomach again?” You shook your head and gave him a smile. “No, no I’m ok. Just…” You still weren’t going to tell him without proof. “A little hungry I guess. As you know I haven’t been able to eat much.” He nodded and helped you pick up the cups, dusting them off. Miraculously the couple had managed to clean their house well enough to where the cups wouldn’t have to be tossed out. Suddenly you couldn’t wait for next week and your doctor appointment to come.

    ---                                       

    All week you had been thinking of positive outcomes if you were in fact pregnant. You had been too chicken shit to try and buy your own at home test, as you were too fearful of either Marco or Jean discovering the box or worse yet, the test itself. You wanted doctor confirmation. Often you found yourself rubbing or resting your hand on the area that might start to protrude, all the while wondering if you could ‘just tell’ that a life might be there. Wondering if a smaller version of either of the men that you loved was indeed growing in your womb. At this point you didn’t care whose it was, just as long as the life was there. You tried your best to think of this as just a possibility, not wanting to get your hopes up too much. However, you didn’t have any other explanation as to what could be the cause of your extremely late period and phases of what you now believed to have been morning sickness. True a baby would make things VERY difficult for your current situation, but it would be worth it right? They weren’t called bundles of joy for nothing after all.

    The day before your appointment you had received a call from a medical technician asking that you fast as some blood work will be part of the exam, while the request was a bit strange for looking into a stomach flu concern you didn’t eat or drink anything (except some water). The drive to the university’s student medical office complex was short. Marco had kept his word, driving you to the appointment and patiently waited for you in the lobby.

    “You’ll be fine [First]. I honestly don’t know why you’ve been so fidgety this morning.” He chuckled.

    “I hate needles. Hospital needles.” You amended. It was true and you couldn’t explain why this was the case as you had a tattoo on the back of your shoulder (a cover up for it was actually something that was still on your ‘post Reiner changes’ list). However, that wasn’t the reason for your bouncing leg. You wanted so badly to find out if you were going to be a mother. Marco just let out another soft laugh as he reached for your hand giving it a light squeeze.

    “[First] [Last]?” A woman with glasses and brunette hair called from the door that led to the exam rooms. You planted a brief kiss on Marco’s cheek and beamed at him before following her.

    “Hi, [First] I’m Hanji-Zoe and I’m one of the interning nurses here at the University. How are you doing today?”

    “I’m doing alright, feeling much better than 2 weeks ago.” You wrung your hands together as she led you to the room and started to take your vitals. The intern entered all the information into the computer before she spun around on the small wheeled stool with a bright smile on her face.

    “So do you have any idea why we insisted on still seeing you so long from when you called?” Nodding that you had vague idea, she continued anyway. “We needed to know for certain the date of your last menstrual cycle and to test to make sure that you don’t have a more serious virus that could mimic the stomach flu.” Again you nodded your understanding. It was a logical rational ever since one of the other in-state universities’ had a small outbreak of meningitis, requiring many new incoming students to be vaccinated and others to be tested at the slightest hint.

    “I know that you had requested to have a women examine you today, but Dr. Rhal had to leave due to a personal emergency.  So, Dr. Smith has taken on most of her patients’ today. Don't worry, he's very nice.”

    “Okay.” Shifting in your seat slightly. “I…okay”. You really didn't like male doctors as the idea of them seeing you naked was highly uncomfortable. Hell it took a few times to be completely comfortable being naked in front of your boyfriends.

    “Let’s get the basics out of the way then, shall we? Just to confirm, your boyfriend said that your last period ended about 2-3 weeks ago, putting you due for the next one…in about 5ish days?” The intern continued to look at you with that bright smile.

    “Um…no. Actually it’s been almost 2 ½ months since my last one ended.” The intern’s eyes widened slightly, but quickly returned to a more neutral appearance.

    “Ok, so we want to do a pregnancy test then today correct? And I’m then guessing that the meningitis test is no longer needed.” She clicked on the computer screen, entering the lab orders.

 “Two doors down the hall on your right is the restroom. Specimen cups are ready with instructions for a urine sample. Return back here when you’re finished, put on the gown, making sure all clothing is removed, and Dr. Smith will be right in.” Doing as instructed you walked down to the restroom, filled the cup, and left it in the designated cupboard for some nurse to pick up and send to the office lab. Back in the exam room you changed into the paper gown that was left for you and sat upon the plastic and paper covered bench. Shortly after there was a soft knock on the door and a tall man with perfectly placed blond hair entered.

    ‘ _Fuck my life_ ’ you groaned internally, ‘ _he had to be a handsome son of a bitch. Fuck. My. Life.’_

    “Hello [First].” Dr. Smith smiled, his baby blue eyes sensing that you were a bit uncomfortable. “I’m Dr. Erwin Smith. You’re pregnancy test came back negative, so I just have a few quick questions for you about your menstrual cycle.” You heart sank. The hollowness reemerged as your mind stilled, became quiet, and you put on your emotional mask. You had been so sure. You could have sworn that a life was inside you. Now it turns out it was false. Your face didn’t betray an ounce of the inner turmoil that was starting to bubble up.  You answered all of his questions about your medical history in regards to your weight and irregular cycles, and even about your current sexual relations (minus the fact that it was with two men rather than one).

    “[First].” He looked directly at you, his bushy eye brows pushed together in an almost worried expression, but those blue orbs were soft. “We’re going to have to do a couple blood tests, schedule an appointment for an ultrasound, and I'll also need to conduct a pelvic exam on you. Are you comfortable with that? Hanji can be here to monitor if that makes you feel better.” A pelvic exam, what the hell was going on?

“May I ask why?” You only ever had a basic exam for you last PAP, and the next wasn't due for another 6 months.

“I’d like to check to see if there is any swelling on or near your ovaries. If there is it can help, along with the other tests in confirming a possible diagnosis of PCOS or a thyroid condition. Are you familiar with PCOS?” Shaking your head he continued. “It’s Polycystic ovarian syndrome. This is where cysts-sacks of fluid-develop on or in your ovaries and can cause various medical issues later down the road if not addressed. While it is traced to being related to a hormone imbalance the exact causes are unknown, but symptoms include weight gain or being overweight/obese, irregular periods, excessive hair growth, and acne. Minus the excessive hair growth and acne you exhibit most of these symptoms." He was nice, if factual and no holds bar was the intern’s definition of nice.

      After a minute you nodded your consent and laid back on the exam table as Dr. Smith pulled out the stir-ups for your feet.  
    "Did you want me to bring in Ms. Zoe to monitor?" he asked. You shook your head quickly, the fewer people had a chance to look at your naked form the better.

    ‘ _This is the single most embarrassing thing I will ever have to face. A cute as hell doctor having to put his fingers up my va-jay-jay, all because why? I’m fat and my body hates me. Well technically I may be fat because of this. Oh god I hope I don't smell bad_.’ You continued to lament over your embarrassment, the doctor pressing two fingers down on your lower abdomen with quite a bit of force. _‘Ow, god damn is he trying to pop my fucking ovaries?_ ’ A question then began to surface to your mind. If this was in fact the cause for your extremely late period and still not end up pregnant, then did that mean…you hesitated asking the question a moment too long before Dr. Smith inserted two fingers into you. The pressure was almost painful as he pressed on your abdomen where it met your pelvis and from within you.

    “Sorry, I know it can be very uncomfortable.” He looked down at you, but didn’t make direct eye contact. _‘How the fuck would you know?!’_ You wanted to shout. ‘ _You don’t have a uterus_!’ A tear started to prick at your eyes as a grimace finally found its way. Damn this was uncomfortable and awkward. It nearly felt like an eternity had passed before he withdrew his fingers and proceeded to remove the gloves he had put on.

    “There is a bit of swelling, but I can’t tell if there are any cysts on the outer part of your ovaries. The ultrasound will be able to get a better picture. Go ahead and get dressed as the phlebotomists should be ready to take the samples very shortly. After that you are free to go, just make sure to schedule that appointment on the way out. “

    “Dr. Smith?”

    “Hmm?”

    “Will this…does PCOS effect…” Your words caught in your throat briefly. “Will I be able to have children?”

    “It has posed a problem for some women to become pregnant, yes.” He confirmed. “But I think that you’re young enough to where it’s not a worry right now. There are many ways to help healthy fertility as well for women with PCOS.” ‘ _Bullshit lair’._

    “Ok, thank you.” He left the room. You wanted nothing more than to cry, the hollowness fogged your mind as your blood was drawn and the appointment made. Marco was just a breath away in the lobby waiting for you. Once you got to him your mind cleared a little, but you remained silent until you reached the apartment. The look on your face must have clued him in on to not question you until you both were home.

    “Hey baby, how was the doctor’s?” Jean’s voice trailed off as he saw the tears begin to fall from your face. “Marco what the hell happened?” Jean set the breakfast burrito he had made down on a plate and rushed over to you, quickly enveloping you into his arms.

    “I have no clue, she was silent ever since we left.” He started rubbing small circles on your back.

    “My body hates me.” You gently pushed yourself away from them and headed over to the couch. You needed to sit down as your emotions finally started to boil over. The pain of losing a life that you had so strongly hoped was there was nearly unbearable. And to add salt to your wound, you may have a condition that could prevent you from ever becoming a mother. This was a role that you had always wanted to take on at some point in your life. It had always seemed that it was inevitable too, just a natural course for your life that you were all too happy fulfill one day. Now it might never happen. You might never get to experience the joy of carrying a child.  

    “What?” Both men kept pace with you and continued to comfort you as best they could.

    “Oh god, where and how do I start?” The pain and hollowness were centered where you assumed the very organ that made you a woman was located.  

    “Baby, shh, it’s ok, take your time.” Jean soothed. The sobs started to rack your body and it took several minutes before you were able to get a hold of your emotions and speak.

    “Marco, do you remember what you told the receptionists when they asked you when I had had my last period?” Both men gulped, but you felt him nod. You know that Jean was jumping to conclusions in his head as his grip tightened on your thigh.

    “I said that it should have been about 3 weeks ago now, but I’m guessing you’re about to tell us that it wasn’t right?” There was no emotion to his voice and that started to make you uneasy. Jean just continued to remain silent.

    “So far it’s about 2 ½ months late.” You sighed. “BUT before you both go running toward the fucking god damn door…I’m not pregnant, according to the doctor.” Jean’s grip loosened, which sent a pang of hurt through your heart. You assumed you'd been right about him wanting to leave at the thought of you being pregnant. However, since your head was essentially buried in your lap you didn’t see the disappointment that covered his features.

    “Instead it might very well be the exact opposite.” The emotions were swirling inside, with anger and cynicism starting to become dominate in your voice. “I might not…even be able…” A sob ripped from your throat as the thought took over. You had been so sure.

    Both Jean and Marco were stunned at the turn of events.

    “I had been so sure I was.” Whimpering into your hands every thought seemed to finally make its way past your lips. “I had wanted to be pregnant so bad; to carry and grow a life. I could have sworn I felt that there. Like there was an energy, a soul, right here you know?” You crossed your arms in front of your stomach and slightly hunched yourself over, as if you were in pain. “But no, it was all a lie. It’s not fair. Why?” The men were at a loss to find any words that would even remotely bring comfort. In fact they were both hurting from the news as well. Not only from seeing the woman they loved in so much emotional pain, but the thought that she could have been carrying a child that belonged to either of them had brought up unrealized wants for each. All they could do was entwine their arms around you.

    “I love you [First].” Marco broke the silence. "I won’t ever run.”

    “Me too, the three of us will get through this, promise.” Jean encouraged as he nuzzled your neck. After what felt like hours, but may have actually only been seconds, you gripped a forearm of each before whispering a small thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more info on PCOS here is a website http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html#a


End file.
